Sociology

After getting married, a couple is always prepared to stay like that forever. However, difficulties may arise which the couple is unable to handle and end up breaking their marriage. A divorce is very stressing to both parents as well as the children. On the other case, a spouse may die. This forces the bereaved partner to start over. After undergoing a stressful episode of loosing someone they loved so much, they might get involved in a new relationship and decide to start a new family. Blended families are families in which children from previous relationships are included in the new families that are developed through new marriage (Gupta, 2008). They are now becoming a norm than ever before in the United States. Blended families are somehow stressful for everyone, particularly the children as it marks the end of a family life they had already established and the start of a new family life. Conway (2003), states that though parents may embrace step families with great joy and expectations, children from both sides may feel that they were overlooked during the process of decision making. Children may ask themselves as well as their parents a lot of unanswerable questions regarding the new family. Children and even parents may resist some of the changes presented by blended families. However, most of step families are able to work out the challenges associated with it and live together forever.

Some of the challenges involved in blended families are for example new adults, new step siblings, as well as new homes. Step parents are also faced by the challenge of feeling as if one is a total stranger rather than a parent. Frustrations and jealousy might emerge as a result. There are various unique problems associated with blended families. One of them is that children may divide and conquer their parents. Parents are more likely to have strong feelings for their children than their spouses. Spouse who do not handle their children in blended family for the benefit of the whole family are bound to lose (Williams, 2001). Children should not be allowed to have a strong say in setting the rules of the family. The parents should collectively set rules for all children in the family.

It is very important for parents to seek help for themselves as well as their children to help them cope with the situation. Failure to cope with some of the challenges that can be presented in blended families can result to adverse effects to the children. Some of these effects include feeling loneliness, difficulties in relaxation and enjoying, problems in expressing ones feelings, radical response to all decisions made in the family, difficulties in forming intimate relationship with other family members, ineffectual management of rage, hatred and frustrations (Lamar, 1992). Another major challenge that faces the blended families is the development of trust among family members. Children may feel unease about the new life and resist any effort to make them comfortable. Death of a spouse in the blended family can also cause a major conflict between the bereaved members. One half may feel segregated in the separation of assets from the deceased parent. A deceased parent may leave all of hisher assets to hisher children (Williams, 2001).

These challenges can however, be dealt with in a number of ways. Open communication, positive attitudes, mutual respect, love and patience are some of the most important factors that lead to creation of a healthy step family. There are several strategies that can be employed by family members to minimize difficulties associated with blended families. One of these strategies is avoidance of creating a lot of changes all at once. Relationship with friends, relatives, and family members should be maintained (Hurwitz, 1997). According to Life Challenges (2010), disagreement from the previous relationship should not be aired in front of the children. All issues from the past relationship should be discussed in the absence of children. Parents should spend some of their time with each of the children in the family. This helps in establishing a sense of belonging and in the long run enhances the connection to the family. Children should be encouraged to express their feeling during conversations. They should also be made to understand that everyone needs to get along. The desires of the children should not outrun those of their parents such that they manipulate them. All problems in the family should be discussed during family meetings. As illustrated by Platinum (2010), everybody should be given a chance to communicate and be listened to without being interrupted. Children should not be forced to call step parents dad or mum rather they should be given an opportunity to decide. Children who do not naturally decide on a name should be talked to and together decide on a name that is comfortable to them. All anger should be controlled and should not be directed towards any of the children in the family. Children should be given some time to spend with both parents and should never be used as massagers. The biological parent of the child should be allowed to have the leading disciplinary position. Parents should agree on ways of disciplining their children that are in line with their feelings. It would be of much benefit if the step parent plays an indirect but supportive role. Step parents should establish themselves as counselors rather than disciplinarians.

Platinum (2010), states that parents should agree never to disagree in front of the children as this will bring division among them. Parents should not take any negative attitude portrayed by the children personally. Parents should realize that children are adapting to the new family life and as a result, they are likely to portray some negative feelings. All parents for the children should be allowed to take part in the rearing of a child. The kids should be made to understand that a parent as well as hisher spouse will continue loving them no matter what.

New traditions should be set up as well as maintain some of the old traditions that are of benefit to all family members. Parents should not concentrate too much on the family that they forget their marriage. A strong marriage will form the base of dealing with the challenges that emerge in the process of blending the families together. The step children should be given enough time to know each other. Family counseling is a better option if challenges persist in a blended family (Castillo, 2008).

Though the blended family may be faced by a lot of challenges, it has got various advantages. A family is the most important unit in the society that plays a vital role in satisfying the physical, as well as emotional needs of a person, which is a necessity in the achievement of economic and social development. Being in a blended family does not mean that that family is bad such a family is just different. There is nothing that negatively and adversely affects the children as divorce of their parents or loss of one off their parents.

According to Kanade (2009), children who are raised in a house hold of one parent often feel a sense of loss concerning the absent parent. These children also miss out on the emotional support and dual roles played by both the mother and the father. After the loss of one parent, blended families tend to replace that loss. Children with both parents also tend to be molded in the right way than those who are reared by single parents. Children in a blended family get a better understanding of things that are morally acceptable and those that are not. Authority is also added and instilled in a better manner when both parents agree on the way they should discipline and counsel their children.

The learning skills of the children are better developed in families where both parents are available. The father provides the children with handwork and sports skills whereas the mother provides the children with relationship skills such as emotional response skills and ways of developing smooth relationship with others. Children in blended families learn various life skills from four parents instead of two. These children learn how to cope from various stresses in life as they can learn it from different people in the family. Responsibility of rearing the children is shared between the mother and the father in blended families. Sharing of responsibility enables one of the parents to take time to pursue other interests while the other attends to the children. Sharing of the responsibilities also enables the parents to have enough rest. Children brought up in a family like this also tend to pick up some responsibility sharing qualities from their parents. Blended families usually have more emotional and physical support than families with single parent. Children usually observe their parents and learn how to contribute in family development (Halpern-Meekin, and Tach, 2008).
.Blended families provide a safety net for all its members. Children in these families are clothed, fed, educated, and loved just like in other families. Blended families also create a sense of identity. Families are the ones that give a person hisher identity. The family instills values to an individual that the individual carries throughout life (Kanade, 2009).

Kanade (2009), states that not only does the blended family offer support to the children, but also to both parents. If a parent feels the loss of hisher partner in a previous relationship, the blended family provides the emotional as well as physical support such a person requires. The love that had been lost after the loss of a partner is replaced by a spouse in blended families. Parents as well as the children live in one home they are not homeless. These families are more or less similar to the traditional families. Some of the rules that worked in the previous family of the spouses are more likely to continue working in the new family and the spouse will not feel as if they are starting something new. If one of the family members encounters a major challenge, the other family members help himher cope with the challenge. Parents in blended families have got a lot of experience from the previous relationship and will not repeat any mistakes that might have led to the divorce.