Sociology

According to Clark (1991),  marriage is an institution which should be respected at all times,  (p.12). The issue of marriage and the increased divorce rate has been on the center stage among sociologists. The review will give an overview of how to avoid being part of the statistic. Studies have shown that first timers in marriage have a 50 chance of breaking up. This rate is known to increase with an increase in the number of divorces that one is involved in. For instance, statistics has shown that for every divorce, there is an increase in 10 of the chances of divorcing again (John, 2005, p.357). Some of us may be in this bracket or you could be having a good time with your partner by now.

The essay will focus on the guiding factors to a successive marriage which may be of help to those in a crisis or intending to be potential husbands and wives. Also, it will focus on the issues which are detrimental to marriages and how to solve them. First, marriage is a journey which is only taken by individuals who have harmonized their maps into the future. Marriage partners may come from different races, religion and social background, but it calls for the harmonization of their maps to be in the institution of marriage. When couples from different back ground engage in marriage, a number of sacrifices have to be made. There is more to marriage than the love and romance that comes in hand.

In their argument, Hawkins and Cooldge (2002) have held that when a richer person marries a poorer one, the difference in not only money but it calls for much understanding in aspects of the manners and the lifestyle of the other half (p.19). The kind of gifts to give and the vacations to be involved in also varies from one social class to another. It calls for one to move from the comfort zone and move to the territories of their partners who are at a different level in terms of education and wealth. Studies has shown that the past trends of  men marrying women with less education are on the decline and currently women are marrying men with unclear education backgrounds like in the case Dan Croteau and Cate Woolner.

Cate Woolner was a daughter of a doctor and a dancer. In her life, she had been comfortable with all the kind of money and education that one would have wished to have. On the other hand, Mr. Croteau was the son of a factory worker whose education work ended at the eighth grade. By the time they were meeting, Mr. Croteau was selling cars while Ms. Woolner pretended to be a customer only to catch the attention of Mr. Croteau. They organized on how to meet which they eventually did. They later discovered that they were from different cultural scripts because Ms. Woolner had a masters degree in counseling and was stable financially which did not go down well with Mr. Croteau since he believed that a man should be the key player in a relationship (Light, 2004, p.10). This made him feel like a gold digger in the relationship. However, despite the difference in the social class, the two partners introduced each other to the family members on either side and they eventually married having the motto  Press on regardless  engraved on the inside of their rings. This brings us to an understanding that, one of the key elements to a successive marriage is the amount of sacrifices that one is willing to make in a relationship. How down one is willing to go for the sake of your partner and the marriage is critical for the success of marriage.

In their book, Wardle and his colleagues (2003) have hypothesized that the other guiding factor to a successive marriage is faithfulness to your partner (p.23). At times, one is tempted to have sexual relations with someone other than the spouse. A number of factors do contribute to the unfaithfulness. For instance, the lack of connection between partners and the realization that someone else can appreciate you more than your partner. Drug abuse and sexual addiction also contribute to unfaithfulness. However, when one is tempted to engage in infidelity, it calls for one to practice control over your body and feelings. To avoid infidelity, one should learn to respect the bond that exists between them. Unity and integrity are of essence in the relationship.

In yet another argument, Smock (2004) has found that  there are times when a spouse is unfaithful and he or she appears to be remorseful for his actions,  (p.107). Such times call for forgiveness which is the first step towards the recovery process which will form a basis for a long lasting marriage. Faithfulness and its complexity vary from one social class to another. For instance, the upper class citizens are often victims of infidelity due to the kind of lifestyle they engage in. Their lifestyle is much comprised of hanging out and a lot of clubbing which pre-disposes them to infidelity. For the lower class citizens, financial constraints often predisposes them to infidelity whereby a wife may be involved in a one night stand with a man just to fed for her children.

In his research activity aimed at establishing the underlying factors that shape the marriage outlay, Mayerson (1996), reached at a radical research finding that  the sex aspect is also important for a successive marriage and thus  spouses should learn how to make their partners happy in bed,  (p.11). Partners should learn about the likes and the dislikes of their partners when in bed. They should also take note of the sensitive areas on the body of their partner which may stimulate your partner. For the women, they should not consider undressing in front of their husband and talk dirty when making love. They should also try different sex styles while having sex and watch porn together which will definitely turn out to be erotic. Sex activity varies from one social class to another. For instance, those who are much into religion tend to have too official sex because some may regard sex as immoral. Financial constraints may also limit ones ability to enjoy sex. In that, the lower class citizens may not be having accessibility to some porn videos which are needed to spice up the love life.

In his research findings also, Cutrona (2004) established that appreciation is also important in any relationship. Partners should learn to appreciate their counterparts. For instance, men should behave as gentlemen (p.90). In that,  they should hold doors for their female counterparts. Partners should also learn to appreciate the kind of things that the partners does. For instance, the kind of music, games or soaps that your counterpart enjoys watching should become a part of you even though uninterested. Political opinion of your counterpart should not be part of your bedroom activity. Whether democrat or republican, partners should learn to respect the stand of their counterparts but this should not be given chance to interfere with the institution of marriage. Never chose move out with your friends at the expense of your partner because this will humiliate either party.

Respect for our partner is also essential in marriages. Though it may look like an old fashioned word, respect is the key to our happiness and success. Through respect, the dignity of either partner in marriage cannot be violated which translates to a tight bond in the institution of marriage.

Children are also known to facilitate success in marriage. In that, some partners may consider filing a divorce due to complexities that may arise while in marriage. However, for the sake of the children, the partners decide to seek out their difference and move on with marriage life. Sharing responsibilities in and around the house also contribute to the success in marriage. Goodwin (2003) led a long journey in trying to establish a universal resting point of the marriage institution in relation to the social context of the society. He formulated that in the traditional set up, it was the duty of the wife to do the household chores but at this modern day and age, the mental set up of a mum moving up and down while the husband is relaxing watching some football and participating in some political forums are long gone. Each partner should spare some quality time to spend with the family and do some chores together. Any woman out there will bear me witness that they are almost winning this battle since a percentage of men are showing their affection through this. According to Sassler (2004),  the task that exists is on how to subdivide the task. No particular member of the family should do more than the other,  (p.49). The chores should be included in a to-do list where one is allocated some duties depending with his or her capabilities. Even the young ones are supposed to help out in some chores. However, the issue of the social class comes in handy when such activities are involved. Though affection shown be uniform regardless of the social class, it is often difficult for the uneducated or those of the lower class citizens to be involved in much with their families since most of the time is spent in casual employments.

Another key pillar to the success in marriage is by having a spiritual foundation. It should be recognized that the gift of love comes from God and it is only through him that we can express love to others freely. According to the bible, any man who calls unto his name, hears his words and fails to according to the will of God is like a house built without a foundation.

Why marriages fail
In his research hypothesis, Tichenor (1999) formulated that the success of any marriage calls for the commitment of the two players in a relationship (p.90). One who is committed in marriage has the interest of the partner in heart. One who lacks commitment in marriages always thinks of himself or herself. He or she does not consider the impact of his actions or words on the partner. It is not by accident that marriages do fail but it originates from some factors which lie between the partners. The odds against a marriage may happen at the very beginning during courtship. For instance, teenage pregnancy may the onset of bad things which may occur in marriage. Once teenage pregnancy occurs the result is that one may end up with the partner, although he or she was not the choice of a life long partner. The point is, the two partners may not be having feelings towards each other but they get married due to circumstances. Eventually, when differences arise in the marriage, you get to know that you cannot strike a balance which results to marriage breakdown.

Accordingly, Davis and Butler (2004) have argued that communication is also important for a successive marriage (p.237). In case there is a communication breakdown, this results to some marriage problems which may remain unresolved until both of the partners decide to open up. Failing to communicate and dialogue with your partner often aggravates a seemingly small problem to one that may result to major complications.

Trust is the foundation to any successful marriage. A healthy marriage will just remain as a dream especially when mistrust exists between partners. Once you lose trust in your partner, it is often the difficult to regain it. Failure to accept the imperfections which may exist with your partner is normally detrimental to marriages. One should learn how to respect the opinions of others. Partners should comprehend that their counterparts are not to change from what they are or from how they were behaving by the time you were in courtship.

Disparities which may exist in the social class may also contribute to breakdown of marriages. For instance, a partner may come from a well to do family who do not like to associate with the middle class citizens. Chances are that, so much influence will originate from the upper class family which will eventually result to marriage breakdown.

According to Jenkins (2004), marriage break ups are as a result of  people who behave badly. According to him, bad behaviors such as excessive spending, compulsive spending and perpetual procrastination are part of the bad behaviors that contribute to marriage break ups. He cites that, bad behaviors are a consequence of one being immature which he recommends that partners should grow up because life is not easy and is not going to be easy any time soon.

The frequent behavior that jeopardizes marriage is infidelity. Statistics indicate that over 50 of the divorce case are a direct consequence of infidelity (Jenkins, 2004, p.513). Jenkins explains this by highlighting a particular incident which happened to him. When seated in a plane next to a woman in her mid 40s, the lady stared at his wedding ring and went ahead to inquire whether Jenkins was very married. Jenkins explained that he was married to Kathy who was the best thing to have happened to him. Soon after landing, the woman gave Jenkins a card just incase he would reconsider his decision. From this, it is evident that opportunities like these will often present themselves and unless we practice control over our body, infidelity will be part of us and we shall be part of the statistics.

Unrealistic expectations which we often promise to each other during courtship is another fact or that contribute to marriage breakdown .Once we get married, we assume that we no longer have to try since we have won the love of our partners. What results is resentments and disappointment in the relationship. What we used to picture through our minds become a fairly tale and at this time, partners will often argue trivial issues because each partner is searching for some mistakes from either party. Competition develops within the relationship and eventually the bond in the marriage will be having cracks which may take long to realize (Padma, Lee, 2004, p.130). At this point, the marriage is said to have failed although couples may still be living in the same room.

Being egocentric is also a major contributor of marriage breakdowns. If partners know how to step over their ego then, 50 of their problems will be solved. If it is your ego that makes you lose your temper and hold grudges then, before getting into a life time commitment, it is necessary that you fix it.

Marriages often fail due to blame which is common in men. Men are in most cases the source of the problem but they always blame it on women. The solution to this is to be a man and treat a woman like a queen, of which she will reciprocate by treating you like a king. Logic is another reason why marriage fails. Let me explain. How a wife behaves is a factor of how she feels and it makes no sense to influence her to behave differently. Partners should learn to respect and appreciate the feelings of their counterparts.

Conclusion
It is worth noting that, several factors come in handy for any successive marriage. Such factors include respect, love, sex, appreciation, commitment, and spiritual foundation is necessary for the success in marriage life.