Sociology

I have an aunt that I will never know.  She lost a battle to cancer before she even reached her twenties. I will never fully comprehend the emotional emptiness my grandparents felt when they lost their youngest child, it is a painful experience that only grieving parents can know.  My grandparents, like all parents, expected to see their child to grow and mature. They expected to one day pass on and leave her behind. When they buried their child, I can only imagine how it must have felt to lose all their hopes and dreams for her to have a full, happy life. The grieving was intense with the constant feeling that they did not do enough to save her. One thing is for sure they deeply miss her every day. 

When someone loses a love one, it is an emotionally trying experience for him or her.  However, the death of a child is unique in that it was a life that was never fully realized because truly, they did go before their time. Through this paper, I hope to gain an understanding of what they might have experienced and how they learned to cope and move on.

The research study aims to find out how people react to the death of their love ones, particularly when parents loses a child. The experiences parents go through and the way they cope with bereavement, mourning, and letting go.

The research study aims to answer the following questions
How do family members react to death
How does the society deal with death
How do parents deal with the loss of a child
How does the society help the bereaved deal with grief
What are the experiences parents go through after the death of a child
What is the societal and family role in case of death of a child

Death is inevitable it is something each and every one of us will confront on the course of our lives. Though this is a universal truth that all us accepts and expect, the pain and sadness it brings is unavoidable. Once a person dies the bereaved go through a normal process of grieving. Although, grieving is a hard process, it helps the bereaved deal with the loss by accepting it and moving on with life (Murray, 2001). Failure to go through the grieving process can lead to depression, physical illness and emotional problems.

There are various concepts associated with grieving, though everyone grieves differently. These concepts include numbness, mourning and letting go (Moorey, 1995). During the grieving process, the bereaved suffers from swift mood changes and intense emotions. The initial stage of grieving is numbness. The numbness stage is also known as the stage of depression wherein the bereaved is in shock, emotional, and feels angry at the world and sometimes to God. The numbness stage includes being emotionally tormented and angry, a feeling that can last for days or weeks.

The numbness stage is followed by mourning, where the news of death sinks. Sadness and images of the dead person clouds the bereaved memory. During mourning, it is difficult to concentrate on everyday tasks due to nostalgic thoughts. Some people lose interest in things like food and life itself they feel unmotivated and sometimes find it hard to sleep or relax (Black, 2008). If the deceased died in the hospital, most people get angry and irritable at the medical staff and to those who took care of the deceased. They sometimes blame them for their loved one s death. The mourning process normally is helped by a funeral and memorial service. The outburst of tears and emotions is a common scene during mourning. The third stage of grieving involves letting go. Over a period, the intense pain felt during mourning lessens. The bereaved comes back to reality and learns that despite the loss life has to go on. During the letting go phase, the sadness, the appetite, the energy levels and sleeping patterns slowly goes back to normal.

The  symbolic interaction theory  and  feminist theory  can be applied in-cases of bereavement and grieving. Symbolic interaction theory suggests ways in which families interact with other personalities in the society. The theory looks at the everyday behavior of individuals and explore ways in which people uses symbolic communications to get a subjective and interpersonal meaning of a situation. In case of grieving, where a parent loses a child, the way the family interacts with the other family members determines societys role in the situation. The theory suggests that situations get their meanings depending on the social interaction with others.

The feminist theory suggests that women should work together to improve their position in life (Roy, 2009). Therefore, in-cases of bereavement women should work together to help each other through the grieving process. Women regard grieving as a normal process, in situations when woman loses a child all other women should mourn with her and give her emotional support.

Women tend to cry, break down emotionally and even get depressed (Zaiger, 2005). In the case of my Aunt, my grandmother and my mother were very emotional. My grandmother fainted upon hearing of my aunt s death. My mother did not eat for three days and hardly slept. During the mourning stage and even the funeral rites, my grandmother could not stop crying. Both the symbolic interaction theory and feminist theory are right when they state that people react differently to situations because of social interaction (Murray, 2001). Since my grandmother was a very social person who participated in the community activities, many people turned up to help her during the grieving period. Women turned in big numbers to console her, help in housework and even funeral arrangements.

A random sample of 100 families was taken from my neighborhood. The sample consisted of families with 1 to 10 kids, which includes families that have lost a childchildren and the ones who have not. I interviewed the parents in the families face-to-face one at a time. The results from the study shown that women were more susceptible to grief than men were. Although men grieved as well, they preferred not to show emotions such as crying, numbness and depression publicly. Based on my interviews with the families who have lost a love one 70 felt emotionally numb,73 mourned while 75 were able to let go after a period of one month to six months. The study showed that women were more co-operative during mourning. Sixty percent of the bereaved families said they got consolation, self-help and company from women. Some families said that men offered financial help and funeral arrangement preparation but did not console them. Eighty percent of the whole population interviewed agreed that grieving was a healthy process as it helps people overcome the loss.

The results of the study were in agreement with my personal views regarding bereavement. On my personal opinion, the death of a child is a sad event that brings many emotional reactions to both parents. Losing a child is most painful for parents because it means a lost future, that the parents themselves plan for their child.

The research study was successful in finding out how a parent deals with a child s death. Some of the unanswered questions regarding the study were why men reacted differently in case of bereavement. In a society where patriarchy was practiced how come men did not participate as much during bereavement as women The other question was why the death of a child was more painful than death of an old person and how come the society took death more seriously than other events.

In further research regarding bereavement of a child, the study should focus on the perception of other family members except parents, such as brothers and sisters. The research should also concentrate on men s emotions regarding bereavement. In a society where men are not supposed to cry or show emotions, a further research should be established on the ways men mourn and grieve. However, the research would have been more successful if focused on several different neighborhoods. Taking diversified religious family would also have given us different concepts regarding grieving.