Divorce and the Effects on Children
Divorce has long been termed as one of lifes bitter facts. It is estimated that 2 out of 5 children, before they are 18 years old, will go through the incident of their parents divorce, and approximately 25 of all children will at some point in their life be a part of a step-family (Matthews, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, 1998). With such alarming figures and forecasts the future of these 21.2 million children and other billion worldwide seems very bleak.
Apparently divorces seem to be an event which is short term and easy to come up with. However it is much more complex. The problems and the effect divorces have on children are long lasting and affect children very deeply. These effects can be seen in the adulthood of these children and at times much before that when the thought process behind their decision making is studied which mostly is due to their parents divorce. For children divorce is a life changing event. This paper aims to identify and study the effects divorces have on the children of divorced parents.
Children and Gender
Gender affects the way children get affected by divorce of parents and consequently deals differently with them. Girls brought up by mothers and boys brought up their fathers are found to cope with divorces better than girls raised by fathers and boys raised by mothers (University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension, 2006). Boys who continue living with their fathers after the divorce generally seem to display less aggressive behavior and less emotional outbursts. Similarly girls who continue living with their mother after divorce generally seem to handle things more maturely and responsibly.
Children and their Ages
Research has studied the impact of divorces on children of different ages. Infants, preschool children, school going children and adolescents, all have different affects both psychologically and physiologically when their parents get divorced (University of New Hampshire cooperative Extension, 2006). Infants are obviously too small to even understand what has happened or why it has happened when their parents get divorced or for that matter who has gotten divorced. However changes in their parents mood or temperament may affect the infants appetite which may lead to vomiting, diarrhea, or other similar physical changes.
Pre-school and primary school going children are aware of the fact that their parents are not together anymore. They may think of different reasons for the divorce and many at times hold themselves responsible for what has happened giving reasons such as not listening to what their parents were asking them to do. Different children react differently however the two behavioral extremes children of this age display is either anger, aggression or complete isolation and loneliness. Nevertheless children of this age are able to cope up with divorces quicker as their minds get occupied by other things more quickly than that of adolescents. (University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension, 2006).
Adolescents understand the situation much better but go through great difficulty in coping up with it and at the same time making decisions. Children of this age are going through many different physical and mental changes. This is the time when they need the support of their parents the most. Therefore teenagers and adolescents face problems when they are not able to seek that support and tend to display anger, depression and other similar behavioral traits that become difficult to manage (University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension, 2006). Some teenagers who are more mature handle this more sensibly and understand the reasons behind the divorce. They take charge of their families and work hard towards supporting their single parents. This is seen as a positive effect of divorce on children as research has proven that divorce may not necessarily have negative effect on children since positive effects have also been found (Karuppaswamy Myers-Walls, 2003).
Stress faced by Children
Many at times we see that parents try to hide the realities they are facing due to their divorces from their children. Neither do they talk to their children about it nor do they explain to them about what actually happened, why it happened, and what their future is. Parents think theyre protecting their child from withholding all this information or else itll cause them stress. However what they dont understand is that not talking to their children about it or not treating them old enough to understand the realities is what actually causes the stress (DeBord, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, 1997).
Parents throughout their lives want their children to always be happy and progressing. They can never see their children in the slightest of problems and therefore try their best to lessen their stress as much as possible. However divorce is one topic, rather event, which single parents should not avoid talking to their children about. Children become stressed when they realize that their family life will not be the same anymore, they way they used to go out with both their parents and enjoy the small things of life will not happen anymore, they will no longer have meals together all in all everything will change (DeBord, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, 1997). This change becomes the reason for their stress. Divorced parents should therefore treat their children as adults and help them in understanding the reasons that led to such an event.
Another reason for stress is fear fear of losing the other parent, fear of adjusting to the new environment, fear of not being loved anymore, and fear of further antagonism between both the parents (DeBord, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, 1997). Research says that children get affected by their thoughts a lot. Constantly thinking about whats going to happen and why it happened to the extent of blaming themselves for their parents divorce leads to further stress and difficulty in coping up with their routine life.
The Sleeper Effect
Sometimes it is observed that although initially children as seen to cope up with divorce of parents very easily and recover in a short period of time, the feelings might spring up again sometime later in their life. This effect is known as the sleeper effect (Matthews, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, 1998). Researchers have identified it to be caused by the subconscious mind where major life changing events are repressed in the brains of children when they are relatively young but they might re-emerge and affect children once they are adults. It can be termed as a delayed response. Initially children recover from their parents divorce very quickly but later on in life those feelings revive and may cause trauma for the children.
Continued Hatred and Other Emotional Effects
It is studied and found out that one of the long term effects divorce has on children is the continued hatred towards one of their parents (Matthews, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, 1998). Children tend to be very sensitive and irrational. They might not understand things completely and either by influence or pure irrationality develops hatred towards the parent they think is the reason for the divorce. This hatred may or may continue for the childs entire life. Such hatred causes further problems for the child such as anger, frustration, aggression, loneliness, depression and other similar reactions. Such children never come out of the trauma and keep wondering how happier and better their life would have been had their parents not been divorced. They remain unhappy and unsatisfied for life as for them a perfect life seems impossible unless both parents are together. For them it was their family. They miss growing up with their parents and the whole experience of a family life.
Social Effects
The biggest social effect which results primarily due the emotional effect of fear and apprehension is the changed attitude towards relationships (Matthews, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, 1998). Children tend to think negatively of relationships and marriage. They feel all marriages end in divorce and it is better to stay single than to get attached to someone emotionally which will ultimately end up in separation or divorce eventually destroying the lives of the children. In fact they become so apprehensive about relationships that even friendships lose its importance in the lives of these children. The fear of being untrue to their partner or friend results in non-development of relationships and friendships. These children feel they will disappoint their partners also and hence do not build relationships or get married. However another trait found in these children is that of not seeing divorce as a means to end marriage related problems. Because they have experienced the entire process and aftermath of divorce, these children feel divorce is not the solution to marriage related problems and hence are found to practice this less once they get married. This can be seen as one of the strengths that children of divorced parents develop in themselves.
Other social effects include less contact between the children and their parents. They feel less warmth and affection towards their parents and try to meet them as less as possible. They become indifferent towards them and their problems even when they get old as children continue blaming them for all the wrong changes that took place in their life after the divorce. Moreover their views and perception towards marriage and how married life should be become totally different from what they have experienced (Matthews, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, 1998).
Academic Problems
According to a paper by Grych Fincham (1992) children of divorced families face academic problems more than children whose families are intact. They display more educational problems and tend to score less on IQ, math, comprehension and reading, and other academic related activities. Such children are consequently rated low by their teachers and hence face more problems in school which eventually affects their future career and job prospects. This cycle when continued in the long term results in a low socio-economic status in the society.
Effect on Mental Health
Children of divorced families are referred to mental health and counseling sessions more than children of intact families (Grych Fincham, 1992). These referrals are not just restricted to and around the time of divorce, as studies have shown that they keep on happening even after 5 years of the divorce. Although these sessions maybe a result of other changes taking place in the lives of these children, however divorce of parents is the primary reason in most cases due to which their mental health is not stable resulting in psychiatric consultation and other similar counseling sessions.
Conclusion
Many empirical studies have been conducted to study the effect of divorce on children. Based on the Ecient Method of Moments model, with marital conflict being an input and the child quality production being an output, it was found out that had divorce not been occurred the children of those parents would have been better off (Tartari, 2005). Another research by Pedro-Carroll Cowen (1985), and Pedro-Carroll Cowen (1989), studied the children of divorced families and helped them cope up with their problems and other issues that were faced by them due to divorce of parents. This study revealed that children were facing a lot of psychological problems and were rated quite low on similar aspects when compared to other children. However after the intervention these children were rated better on the same parameters. Hence we can conclude that divorce does affect the lives of children deeply however proper counseling does help in reducing these effects.
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