The Myth of Gender Differences in Communication

I am not from the planet Venus and I have never yet met a man from Mars. As popular as John Grays multimillion dollar industry built around the Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus theory has been since the early 1990s, communication differences based solely on gender are not significant. However, the assertion that men and women communicate in vastly different ways, about different things, and for different reasons seems to go un-challenged and is accepted as fact by many.
Current research has increasingly acknowledged that factors such as race, class, ethnicity, and sexual orientation strongly impact how persons of both genders communicate effectively debunking the assumption that there are essential differences between men and women. Recent studies show that men and women communicate in ways that are much more similar than different. The supposed disparity is a myth based on stereotypes and is driven by culture rather than based on truth. This belief is damaging to both sexes and should be rejected.
 
Gender and culture are connected. The definition of gender relies heavily upon cultural values and practices a cultures ideas about masculinity and femininity form expectations about how an individual should communicate and the socialization of girls and boys during childhood moves us into different ways of using language.

In the early part of the nineteenth century, many challenged the view that women were not entitled to pursue an education or vote in elections. In protesting the stereotypical notions of the day, these nonconformists led the way into establishing rights we enjoy today.  The cultural acceptance of this norm was shattered and no one today should accept the outdated theory that women were neither worth educating nor their voices worthy of being heard in matters of politics. The shift in cultural views on gender can be seen even in our own generation. It is highly unlikely that many modern women subscribe to their grandparents ideals of masculine and feminine roles in society today. Both sexes are expected to play a nurturing role in the upbringing of children as well as provide financial support in todays family. Many military combat positions are now open to women and men are no longer barred from pursuing a career as a flight attendant. These are but a few examples of the cultural changes regarding gender in Western society, however, the harmful but widespread belief that women communicate in vastly different ways than men solely based on gender or sex still lingers.

Gender is socially constructed, thus differences must be approached as cross-cultural communication rather than differences based upon female or male orientation.

According to Baron-Cohen (2003), mens brains are wired differently  the biological argument. Although many people use the terms gender and sex interchangeably, they have distinctly different meanings. In most cases, sex and gender are common most men are perceived as masculine and most women are seen as feminine. In some cases, however, a male may express himself in a more feminine way than the majority of males or a woman may communicate in a seemingly more masculine way than other women. Sex is a designation based on biology, whereas gender is socially constructed. Sex is a rather simplistic concept a person is designated male or female based on external genitalia or internal sex organs. A persons sex is determined on a biological level by chromosomes. The presence or absence of a Y chromosome determines if a fetus will develop into a male or female. Some children are born with biological characteristics of both sexes. Intersex is defined as a group of conditions where there is a discrepancy between the external genitals and the internal genitals (Google Health, n.d), a condition called hermaphroditism. The recommended treatment of this condition has changed dramatically over the years. Previously the preferred approach was to assign a sex and perform surgery to remove any ambiguity as soon as possible with no regard to chromosomal, psychological or behavioral factors.

But even biological differences can be overcome through the intervention of modern technology. Gender reassignment is now routinely performed and may include genital reconstructive surgery- a surgical procedure that transforms the body to the gender opposite of that in which the person was born. Conventional beliefs about both sex and gender are challenged by those who define themselves as transgendered. Transgender is defined by the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language as a person appearing or attempting to be a member of the opposite sex.

Even on a genetic level, where so many communication differences allegedly reside, are no longer beyond our power to alter. Clearly these instances pose a complex set of circumstances and are not easily explained by either John Greys MarsVenus theory or by the statement boys and girls are just born different as popular sentiment would have us accept.

So just why does the Mars-Venus myth continue to be popular today
The essential differences between men and women are perceived differences and not validated by biological or scientific truths. The ability to communicate effectively is not contingent upon gender but in the individuals ability to utilize an appropriate communication style for a given condition. Not falling victim to generalized gender differences and enlarging ones repertoire of communication skills will be an advantage to men and women alike.


The role played by different communication practices in determining our lives are equally significant in the ground of sex and communication. According to Mulvaney (1994), communication is the process through which a person learns to either be male or female. He also depicts it as a product of every persons effort to behave appropriately according to hisher sex.

Mulvaney (1994) claims that the focus of feminist criticism is based on gender. This indicates that gender is an influence on as well as a result of communication. It is from a very early age that males and females are taught absolutely different linguistic habits. Some of these habits of communication for example may be acceptable for practice by one gender while they are totally unacceptable for the other. Researchers have shown that women mainly undergo two ways of linguistic discrimination. This manifests in the way they are taught to make use of language and also the way use of common language treats them. Women usually portray the role they play in social array by making use of linguistic habits that include, the use of tag questions, fillers and quantifiers to make their message appear soft. In the traditional setup, women were usually identified through the association they had with men. Work place titles clearly indicated which positions were to be held by men and which were to be held by women. However, this has considerably been eradicated in the modern world (Napier, n.d).

Habits concerned with communication reflect our views on gender as wells as create cultural concepts of gender. The types of language we use in communication mainly reflect what we are taught about gender. Various sources of message including spiritual, mythical, technical and philosophical sources teach us the values and rules of the society towards gender. Some very good examples of mythical messages about gender are the American myth that portrays the role of an active man in the provision of family needs, the portrayal of women as a lesser man by Plato, Aristotles description of women as  a misbegotten male, the craniologists myth in the 19th century that the small heads of women indicated the subordinate position they were supposed to hold in society, and Freuds which indicated that all females had little sense of justice and many others.

There are no natural myths or innocent un-ideological myths. All of them are created objects out of faith that tends to make them appear real. The advertising community is termed as one of the best myth maker. This is due to their control of all cultural perceptions of gender, which is what it means and takes to be either male or female. The countless means of mass communication in the modern world offer a great benefit to both the female and the male fraternity as well as pose a great risk for gender abuse. This makes communication a major issue of concern while tackling gender related issues.

According to Mulvaney (1994), it is mythical to view the day to day communication between men and women as fundamentally different. The stories people tell to explain their history have got a great impact on our lives. They significantly shape our beliefs as well as influence our actions as the myth of men are from Mars and women form Venus may show.

Gender Communication as Intercultural Communication
According to Mulvaney (1994), the components of intercultural communication are made up of points at which communication patterns, habits, and traditions across cultures may indicate significant differences. Differences in world view and the ways in which language is used between men and women are two of the points of difference signifying gender communication as an intercultural communication.

Mulvaney (1994), states that the identity of female revolves around relationship and connections whereas the male identity gauges more on autonomy. When the role of women in religion is looked at, the goddess metaphysics unlike the goddess mythology creates a worldview in which the natural world is respected and not dominated. This may bring about differences between males and females in the way they view the world and as a result affect communication significantly.

Women consider talk as the real meaning of relationships while men use the same to exert power, enhance separation, create and maintain status. According to Cameron (2007), women are more verbally skilled and tend to talk more than men. Women use language to express their views on fairness and accord. Miscommunication may occur between them as a result of misinterpretation of others intentions. The ways through which aspects of social association and their associated patterns of communication vary between genders are parallel to the way these genders view the world. Variations in social status may also be reflected by the use of language. It has been shown by researchers that communication strategies utilized by females imitate subsidiary and non-violent role they play in the western communities. The type of language used in expressing world views between men and women may also portray differences in communication between them. Non-spoken communication as another form of language use may reveal the variations between male and female.

Our earlier example of spatial distance between persons in diverse ethnic background and circumstances give significant proof that gender communication is a form of intercultural communication. Culture dictates the gender which has more privilege by according them different amount of space. Gender roles played by women and men in the traditional society were dictated by variation in the amount of space given to and taken by them. It was very rare for women to own anything in their families. According to Napier (n.d), in the workplace, some positions were strictly held by women and were accorded a smaller space as compared to those that were traditionally held by male. This is however not the case in the contemporary world as no position is strictly reserved for a particular gender. In the cases where the space of an individual is faced by intrusion, differences in communication strategies once again emerge in the way both genders handle the situation. Women tend to give way rather than confront the impostor whereas men act more violently.

Differences in social and nonverbal sensitivity between men and women
According to Canary and Dindia (1998), contemporary communication research depicts women as skilled communicators than men. This may be due to the differences in socialization. Women also pose a great deal of emotional cues than do men. Women are able to express themselves through emotional and nonverbal communication than men. Women have been shown by research as better decoders and encoders of emotional and nonverbal communication. They pose superior nonverbal skills and are more skillful and attentive listeners. Writers have proposed some clichs concerning men saying that they never listen. It has also been said according to Cameron (2007), that women find pleasure in expressing their feelings as referenced from articles retrieved from womens magazines and social cards.

Difference in spatial skills
It is believed that the right brain hemisphere of men is retarded. However, the function of the right hemisphere in men greatly modifies their spatial ability. Men have got an excellent visuospatial ability. The spatial tasks performed by men are said to be more reliable. The female brain is on the other hand believed to excel more on verbal tasks as compared to that of men.
 Problems in gender communications

Differences in communication between men and women can pose some major problems in communications as well as relationships. Mulvaney (1994), notes that these problems may crop up as a result of lack of female role models, misrepresentation of men as a standard rendering women imperceptible in curricular content, and a mode of communication that is biased in classrooms. Non-verbal misinterpretation is another problem associated with gender communication. The worlds tendency of assessing the performance of both genders based on the other is also a problem as it portrays men and female as the same without respecting their differences.

Guidelines for Improving Communication between the Genders
Identification of gender communication problems can help in learning to avoid them. Awareness of these problems can greatly aid in making better our gender communication. Assumption that women and men are the same should be avoided in order to increase our realization of the difference between their goals and principles. This also helps in understanding that verbal and nonverbal communications between men and women may differ as well. Knowledge about community bias and labeling which depict the other sex as opposite or different helps in shunning biasness.

Conclusion
When the question of do men and women really communicate in ways different from each other is revisited, we can conclude that in one way or the other, men and women conduct themselves differently as regards to their modes of communication. Women have been shown to express more non-violent forms of communication than men who use language to express authority. Based on scientific point of view, it can be concluded that women whose right hemisphere in the brain is more developed than that of men are more verbally competent than their male counterparts.

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